Say It Isn't So

Monday, December 10, 2018

Living in Morse Code

But still they begin
Needles and pins
Because of all my pride
The tears I gotta hide
 - The Searchers

Actually, mine have been around for over a year now. Still feels like everything I touch has a surface like terry towels. When my brother came to visit, a rare occasion indeed, and I held his hand, it was at that point when it seemed strangest of all. I had become accustomed to the sensation in my everyday life, but his hand felt more like sandpaper to me. It could be that my mind created that. I love him, but I have always been anti his pro stances. Okay, that probably doesn't make too much sense.

Back to my senses, about my sensations. I react to every sensory stimuli to a much greater depth than my friends do. At least those people whom I hang out with. I cannot speak for anyone I don't knock about with. I have an intolerance, which my former doctor referred to it as a chemical intolerance. I can't handle certain scents, especially the ones used in cleaning agents. My laundry detergent must be free and clear. I walk down that aisle in the grocery store holding my breath. If I do breath it in, I will cough like I have the plague. I can smell a skunk long before it hits the olfactory nerves of others. 

Next there is vision. I have trouble looking at this computer screen. It puts out a vibe, man. It is most noticeable when I'm watching videos when the images are moving fast. If music is involved it can jiggle my senses so bad that I start coughing. I kid you not. At least that's my perception of what happens. It has been proven to me, myself and I, that this is so. This is uncomfortable because I love music. I have 2 guitars. I'm not very good, only read tab music, and pick more than strum. I do invent tunes though. That practice is more soothing. I do have a recourse for enjoying those music videos . It involves getting up and dancing...not looking at the screen images. I can hardly bare holding my phone to my left ear. There is a vibration that becomes similar to pain. My right ear fares better. I much prefer talking with people face to face. 

So that takes care of smell, sight, sound, touch, which leaves only taste. As far as I know that has not been affected, but how can I know. I have never been able to gauge other peoples reactions to taste beyond, yuck or yum. I believe that most of taste is actually related to olfactory senses, that is to say, smell. I do know that I still love to eat food that tastes good. Not much in my diet has changed.

There is other oddness to my sensations. The touch is related to my right side only. Sound and vision mostly on my left. Sometimes I feel that the split that separates my left leg from my right leg, extends all the way to my neck, and I feel like some weird walking cartoon character.

I am not taking any treatments. Indeed the neurologist that I was seeing has retired but he told me that unless I was part of a treatment there is no way my disease progression gets studied by the medical profession. This is why I want to document my own perceptions. There is more earlier documentation on the hard drive that belonged to my previous computer. I have the drive but am afraid to link to it believing that it was a virus that killed my former computer and I don't want this one to flip out before it's time, which, according to some, should have already happened.

My perceptions of all of these happenings in my body are this. My nerves are raw. The myelin coating is vanishing. The belief that the myelin sheath is a conductor is incorrect. It is merely a shield to protect our nerves from harm. Overstimulation can fry my mind.

That is all for now. I have vented my thoughts.
Over and out.

I don't remember how to add a photo.
Here comes my 19th nervous breakdown.


At 4:03 PM, December 19, 2018, Anonymous Stephen Harris said...

All of which makes he holiday season just that much more of a challenge. January is a great time to burrow under the covers and hibernate.

At 4:14 PM, February 01, 2019, Blogger mouse said...

Happy New Year Stephen. Googles going to shut this down. With a bit of luck, I'll get to take my stuff with me. I hope your blog is safe from the trash bin. Stay warm


Post a Comment

<< Home